peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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