we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
