I must be too annoying 4 u.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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