I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
