I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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