Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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