either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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