I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As shirtless as possible
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
