So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm like, not good at living.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
