we have pet lesbian snakes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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