My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
