Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
