that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
