Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
