it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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