..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
