If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
