Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
