If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
