He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
