One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
