...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
