You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
