she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
