come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
