i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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