What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
