i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
