Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
