Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize