just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
