so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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