Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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