Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
