I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize