I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
