I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
