If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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