If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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