the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
