I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
