I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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