stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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