It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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