Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
