The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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