I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
