I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Gay?
German.
Pity.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
