Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
