They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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