I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down