how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.