Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.