I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me