Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.