dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
