Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
