my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
