I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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