Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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