Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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