all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
