The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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