He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize