i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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