someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
