I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
