And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
