my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
