somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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